Get to Know You Survey for Moms
When it comes to kids, three is the magic number... for stress.
Mothers of three children stress more than moms of one or ii, while mothers of four or more children actually report lower stress levels, according to an exclusive TODAYMoms.com survey of more than than vii,000 U.S. mothers released Monday. Telephone call it the Duggar result: One time you get a certain critical mass of kids, life seems to get a bit easier.
On a calibration of 1-ten, with 10 being the most stressed, the average mom in our survey puts herself at 8.v. What'due south stressing moms out? Plenty, from money worries to balancing the demands of work and home to feeling like her husband is sometimes just another big kid demanding attention. Simply the big secret of mom stress is that a lot of it comes from within: 75 percent of mothers said they stress more about the force per unit area they put on themselves to be "perfect" than they do the pressure level or judgment they go from other moms.
"You always hear virtually the mommy wars, but I feel like we're judging ourselves more than harshly than anyone else," says Jill Smokler, 35, "Scary Mommy" blogger and author of "Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Savage Lies)." And she should know from stress: She has three kids, and totally agrees that it'south the nigh stressful number.
"Going from ane to two was an easy, informal transition," says Smokler, a Baltimore mom whose children are 5, 7 and nine. "Two to three, everything was turned upside downwardly. I exercise non experience like I accept information technology together. Y'all only have ii hands! Merely crossing the street and non being able to physically concur all their hands I find tremendously stressful."
More stress nuggets from the online survey of seven,164 U.S. mothers, conducted the calendar week of April 17 by TODAY.com and Insight Express:
- 46 percent of moms say their husbands/partners cause them more stress than their kids do.
- 72 pct of moms stress near how stressed they are.
- Biggest crusade of stress: 60 percentage say it's lack of time to practice everything that needs to get done.
- 60 percent of moms say raising girls is more than stressful than raising boys.
- Nine out of 10 moms stress about staying fit and attractive.
Dr. Janet Taylor, a psychiatrist in New York and TODAY contributor, said mom stress is a problem she sees daily in her do.
"Moms are acutely aware of the fact they practice non accept the time to take care of their own needs," Taylor said. Forget reading a book, exercising or fun hobbies: Some moms barely have time to shower.
"Before you're a mom, y'all take that for granted," Taylor said. "When you are a mom you just don't take the time."
She laughed when she heard that having 4 or more kids was less stressful than three. She's a mother of four, including a prepare of twins – and agrees with the survey findings.
"There's only non enough space in your head" for perfectionism when you get to four or more than kids, Taylor said. For example, she recalls with her 4th child she didn't bother with things like obsessively covering all the outlets with safe plugs. "It just gets to be survival!" she joked. Plus, she thinks moms hit a groove one time they become by the outnumbered stage of having 3 kids and into the seriously outnumbered territory of iv or more.
"The more than children you lot accept, the more confident you become in your parenting abilities," Taylor said. "You have to let get… then you lot're just thankful when they all get to school on time."
Taylor's children now range in age from 19 to 25, and while she says the stress differs from the hands-on parenting years, it e'er remains. "Now I become stressed out by things like, my oldest has a task interview and my youngest is in the center of finals," she said. "I'm on the other side… hopefully you lot can experience similar you lot've prepared them well."
A daily stress level of 8.five on a scale of x, the average that moms in our survey report, takes a cost on mind and body, Taylor said. She recommends her stressed-out patients try this practice: Take five minutes and draw a pie nautical chart showing how you really spend the hours in your mean solar day. So flip the newspaper over and depict a pie chart of what yous'd similar to be doing. Option 1 of the things that's on chart two (what you want), only not chart one (the reality), and figure out a style to make it happen.
"You take to exist able to say no to your kids, to your spouse, to your friends sometimes," Taylor said, explaining that many women find that part actually hard. "Instead of making the perfect lunch for your kids, go for a walk by yourself. Even if it's just 10 minutes, accept some deep breaths and focus on what y'all need."
Karen Hobert Flynn, 50, said saying "no" to some kids' activities is one sanity-saver as a mom of many. Her iv boys at present range in age from 11 to 16, and she and her husband both piece of work in demanding jobs – he as an attorney, she for the grassroots lobbying grouping Common Crusade, which often requires her to travel to Washington, D.C., from her home in Middletown, Conn. Her rule has ever been: I after-schoolhouse activity per child.
"You can exercise Male child Scouts or a sport. We didn't exercise five sports. Nosotros said 'no' to intense travel teams," she explained. And she said it didn't limit her boys; they're all playing competitive team sports at school now.
Having four has its advantages, she said. Each child has a built-in playmate; they tend to pair up so no i is left out. And her backyard is ever full of kids, fifty-fifty though they have far from the fanciest swingset in the neighborhood.
"Nosotros accept a disquisitional mass. Kids in the neighborhood would want to come here considering it's an immediate party," she said.
For her and her married man, going from one kid to two was a big adjustment; transitioning from two to three, "y'all're outnumbered," and adding a fourth child was "not as big a jump."
She says she keeps stress at bay by staying organized, connecting with other moms, cultivating good babysitters, relying on her husband – and of course, not taking life besides seriously, even in the midst of teenage drama.
"We laugh a lot," Flynn said. "Information technology's a lot of fun."
Read more about the results of the Mom Stress survey all this week on TODAY Moms. "Like" us on Facebook to get updates and tips on how to stress less.
Source: https://www.today.com/moms/mom-survey-says-three-most-stressful-number-kids-6C9774150
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